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I juz lernt howta may...mayke, uh..writ no..mmm
mmay..uh...do wun a themz Wirl White Webz...I meen, webz sightz. I gotz this ol' cumpewter..itz call a PerSuNuL CUmPewter
give me from my cuzin Curtis Washintun Clavius Jeffersun Clarinz B. Buferd the third but u ken cawl hem Jeb for short. Jeb
sez I cood not figer howz ta mayke, maik..shoot...uh...do thiz so I showz hem. Seee? Themz, that..thiz..uh... no... theezez...damm..here
iz pickcherz of me an sumz uv my relayshunz. I gots also sum folkz whoz I noze frum roun town. Jeb an hiz frend Chet who he
meets whilest in thu cowntee pentitentcherry give em to me so i put em up in hyberspace for all thu worl ta sea. Jeb sez Chet
was his gerl fren in cowntee petntitencherry. that's weerd. Chet sez i should call him linda but i still call him Chet on
accounta he aint a girl...leese nawt yet. Now theyz out a cowntee an themz takes up in an ol winubeggo and stay away frum
the law and most other fokes. they take pickcherz uv me an ekseteruh ekseteruh but theze is thu wunz I ken showz ya. yull
likez em jus phine nuf. oh..an this web stuff... hybertex er hmtl... lhimt...jklmnop??? er whutever it iz sumpthin i no nuthin
bout. so skuze my typin. o jus a seck...be rite back. I gotta git sumpthin.
k. i am back now. thatz an ol pickcher a me
enjoyin my taystee hootch bufor i has ta wair theze har i glassez. I wuz a lookur rite??!!? It tayste goode. i maykes it home
mayde. i can see so good nah an ime reckinin its a cuz a thu hootch. well, thats whut ol doc johnson sez but i still likes
it phine. he ain so smart. sides, wuts he no...i no fer fackt he aint no reel doctur eneewho. he jus likes ta tell fokes thet
so he ken gets em tu take offt thair drawerz an looks at em. so here's the seekrit resipeee. i putz corn mash in et. i also
adds 3 cups a whiskey, 3 big swigz a grain alcherhawl (i swaller wun of themz swigz cuz i likes it), 4 mowthfulls a marsh
or swamp joose, 8 jugz a potato alcherhawl, bout a hamfull a sum sweets sticky stuff i gits frum under the fridge (shhh, thats
a seekrit ingreedyunz so don' tell nobuddy!!!), ummm....where wuz I?? oh yeah...potatos...umm...so, that'd be 1 potato, 2
potato, 3 potato fo'.......
oh...I juz renumber..their iz wun other seekrit ingreedyunz thats i likes to ad to et.
Butt i aint so shur i shood tell yu. well...i spoze it can hert nun. lemme git sum an sho yu. gimme a moment whilst i retreeve
sum.
i almos got sum. ken u hep me fine et?
uh oh...ok now i think i haf hert my hed in thisin. gimme
a momment whilst i fix it. i mussa gawn up thar sumpthin deep. chitlin i muz say do nut tri thiz at yer homez unlez u haf
uh groned up asistin yu. k? k.
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i mayked thiz with sum pickcherz uv my cuzin Jeb
hoo i tell u uhbowt sum time a go. he give me this cumpewtur. u renumber?? jeb he looks a lot like his paw.
i uze
my crayoluz to make this pickcher of jeb(i like purple an blue) an payst witch i eat sum timez. it tayst goood butt makez
my hed feal funnee. sumptimez hootch duz thet to butt thaz cuz i mek et in my tub with alcherhawlz an my owun exa speshul
ingreedyunz. sumptimes the dawg or uncle Cleavus leaves surprizes in the tub to but i fish em out before i bottle the hootch
-- not to worree nun.
thetz jebz paw. he rassles. he likez ta eat lots.
i think he haz gots big boobs butt they gots hair all over em. he also gots fer on hiz back like grammy gots to have. she
said grampaw liked ta brush it late at nite but i think he jus tol her that cuz he wuz touched in thu hed. he musta been drinkin
the hootch to. poor grampaw. my bruther gotz hiz earz. they're kinda big....grampaw don't need them no more tho on acounta
maw sez grampaw iz taken a long nap. (don't tell maw but heaze been nappin since jeb first went to cowntee fo' years back...thats
a kinda long nap!)
thiz iz a pickcher uv my gerl. her name iz lucy.
jeb sez its spelled 'loosey' but heaze jus gellis. so i wail on him for it. she yoosa be jebz gerl an sumptimez she iz chetz
gerl an wunze wuz jazperz fren to but she sez she likez me bes uv all uv themz. she gots funny bumps on her handz but i don't
no wut they are frum. no wut? tooday rite now - she ez heere eetin skwerl frum a blendur out uv a straw. sumtimes stuff gets
cawt in her teeth so i help her sum. but i still likez hur fine cuz she haz a perty mowth an likez to kiss mee. she dus not
like to chaw stuff like metul foyle witch i likes -- she sez she ayte sum wunce but can no mawr cuz it herts sumpthin feers.
she has ta drinkz uh lot cuz she can not chaw to good. i give her that fine blowse she wherein in abuv. i give her that perty
bowe in her hed to. i get it frum a sneaker i find when i was ketchin that skwerl she ayte or drunk i gest wun wood say.
| MY Girlfrend on thu side. She coooks good food. |
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| Sumtimez she gits to closed to the stophe. Oweeeeeeeeeeee |
thats jeb. he haz a metul playt in hiz hed so he can nawt
git to close to big magnits lyke they gots on thu big cranez at thu scrapyard in town. thet happened wunse and we hadda have
him let down. he went missing for lyke 8 days and we thinked he runn oft befur we got thu cawl from ol man mccartney who sets
him free and terned oft thu joose to thu lectromagnit. thet wuz funnee but i bets it hurts a hole bunch when he hits thu grown
belo. w'all went down ta seen him hangin up thar on thu crane an it kinda looked lyke thet guy in thet crazy gloo commershal
on thu televizshun. u renumber thet wun?? jeb - yer a doofus!
thetz Chet beefur an afturd. but maybe i shood call him Linda lykes he sez. he kinda looks lyke a Linda in that pickcher.
rite?
this iz a pickcher of trevor. heze wherein hiz mos faverut shirt an glassez. he thinks thu glassez make him looks smart.
we callz him pickel. i doo nut liekz him. he smelz. i herd he lykez hiz pigz to much. no whut i meane???
uh-oh. i hope he duznt reede this...i don think he reedez nuthin..cept wunce i seen him holdin a gerly magazine but i
do not no wut werdz iz in em. so i think he wuz jus lookin at et. he haz bad eyez now but he smilez funny. he also gotz
bumps all over hiz handz. thets wy we calls him pickel...cuz he haz bumps!! he sez he yoosta go out with lucy. he lies! jeb
sez its cuz he likes to catch todes and keeps them in hiz pantz. thatz wy hiz handz is in em all thu time. if ya ask me,
its kinda weerd.
k. now i gottsa go. bye. y'all come
in all bak soon.
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